We were discussing life and death. She said she wanted to live long because she wanted to get married and have kids and live to see her grandkids. She was in her late 30’s at that time.
That was also when I was in my season of wanderings. But what can I say? I am already successful, I pondered. Although something inside me was telling me that I was lying, for I have always known since the day I became born again, that I was called to be an evangelist. (I have since been groaning to fully walk in it and this fire inside of me is never extinguished unless I open my mouth to share the Good News, which gives me great pleasure and contentment, but only for a moment — because one soul or two is not enough — for thousands of people go to hell every day.)
But I brushed these thoughts off and forgot that we had that conversation — until a couple of nights later when I woke up from a sad dream, one that was clearly from God.
Warned in a Dream
I was riding a boat in the middle of an ocean. But something happened that got me transported into heaven. I liked heaven; it was beautiful. But, somehow, I didn’t want to be there. Then I saw Jesus and proceeded to ask Him why I was there. He said that I died while I was in the ocean. I was frustrated, and I asked Him why I died too soon. I begged Him to bring me back to earth, all the while thinking about my life. Oh, my life — it was too short. But its brevity was not my concern at that moment. I felt that I hadn’t accomplished my calling and fully lived out my purpose. I was so heartbroken, and the sense of loss was too heavy in my heart. I kept begging Jesus to bring me back to earth. Then I remembered my family and asked Him, “How about my family? They’re not saved yet.” I felt that I failed at leading them to Jesus. But He gently responded, “They’re already on their way.” Although His response gave me peace, I was still dissatisfied and remorseful. I kept thinking — I wasn’t able to fulfill my calling! That’s all? Was that my life? Was that my purpose?